I believe in disciplining my children, making them accountable, and responsible for their actions. If they do not honor what is told and expected of them, there are serious consequences for their failure to comply. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I do expect progress over time.
During Elizabeth’s match in the quarterfinals she was becoming agitated. Her body language and facial expressions were negative. Frustration was quickly setting in and it was obvious. She bounced the racquet in anger and I stated firmly, “You bounce the racquet again and I will pull you from the tournament.”
Her eyes widen and facial expression changed to one of worry because she knew I would do it. Elizabeth watched with concern as I walked away hurriedly. She knew she was in deep water, but didn’t know how deep. She knew the worse thing she could do was to pissed me off and she didn’t want to go there.
I left the match to find Eric the tournament director. I approached him and said, “Hey Eric I want a ref on the court, not for her opponent but for Elizabeth.”
Surprised and concerned he said, “You want a ref for Elizabeth? Why? What is she doing?”
“She bounced her racquet. She’s displaying behavior unbecoming to a human being and she needs to stop. If she does it again, I want her penalized. If she continues default her.”
“Are you sure?”
“Definitely. She needs to understand she cannot do this. She needs to understand there are severe consequences for this behavior.”
“Okay, you find a ref and explain the situation.”
“Okay will do thanks.”
“Okay.”
I walked away and approached a referee and reiterated what I had told Eric. He actually smiled. I’m sure he isn’t accustomed to a parent approaching him to complain about her child. I support her one hundred percent but not when she is wrong. What kind of message would I send if I did nothing? Subliminally I’m saying, “Oh Elizabeth, it’s okay for you to act like a nitwit out there. I’m just going to sit here like a bump on a log and do nothing.”
The ref asked, “Where is your daughter?”
“She’s on court one.”
“Okay, I’ll be over there in a moment.”
“Thanks.”
When I returned to her match, her behavior had markedly improved. I wonder why?
As I watched her play, she looked in the direction of the referee as she strolled by. The ref stood at the back of the fence observing the match or should I say Elizabeth. He actually stayed there for about 15 minutes.
I guess her opponent assumed that since Elizabeth was going to go ballistic, she might as well take a couple of points here and there and call a couple of balls out that were actually in and that’s exactly what she did. By this time the score was now 0-4. Well Elizabeth hit a forehand winner and her opponent raised her finger to the sky noting the ball was out. The ball was good, it was not out. Elizabeth paused for a moment, walked slowly as if to say, “Hey, that ball was good. Did I just witness you call it out?”
I said to myself, “Yes Elizabeth the ball was good and she did call it out. You need to get a ref!” Elizabeth elected not to get a ref and wouldn’t you know it, she did it again! Elizabeth served an ace! Well, I guess her opponent concluded she had nothing to lose and all to gain. Who knows, Elizabeth just may become so infuriated and self-destruct out there. Well I guess the third time is the charm because her opponent did it again, called a ball out that was good. I’ve often wondered why juniors tennis players make questionable calls. Is it because they don’t believe they can win on their own merit? Maybe they conclude their opponent will make a comeback. If you’re up 5-1, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to win the set. Elizabeth paused again and calmly left the court to get a ref. Elizabeth was actually competing by this time but it was just too late. She should have done this the moment she stepped onto the court. Time loss getting angry only hurt her, it took her out of the game. You just can’t focus if you’re pissed. It’s imperative to remain calm out there. The inevitable happened, she loss the first set 2-6.
The girls headed for their chairs for the break between sets. Elizabeth had time to reflect on her behavior and performance and sat quietly reaching for her monitor to test her blood sugar. She went out and competed in the second set. Her opponent led 2-1 and Elizabeth served an ace tying the score 2-2. Elizabeth was playing much better now, maintaining her composure and fighting for every point. Her serve improved dramatically and her performance over all did so too. The score was now tied 3-3. Her opponent was now showing signs of frustration and she threw her racquet to the ground in disgust. Well, just so happen when she did this a referee was on the court. He bellowed, “Point penalty!”
Her opponent yelled, “She bounced her racquet and everything!”
Ref responded, “I wasn’t here at that time to see her do that point penalty.”
By this time Elizabeth’s opponent’s father stormed down in disgust probably on two accounts. First his daughter was being disrespectful to the referee, and secondly, the score was now tied 3 all. Elizabeth was now in jeopardy of winning the game because of the point penalty. Her father stormed off in disgust. Elizabeth was observing this drama should have stayed focused on the match. This was her opportunity to take the lead, but she made three crucial errors and loss the game making it 3-4; 3-5, 3-6. She had her chances. That is why it is so important to maintain composure at all times.
On the way home I said, “Elizabet you have all this negative energy during your match that played a major role in the outcome. There are consequences for your actions. You get out of the car now, you’re jogging home. Test your blood sugar because I don’t want it going low while you’re jogging. What is it anyway?”
Quietly she said, “It’s 208. You mean I’m going to have to run all the way home?”
“Unless you sprout wings. Of course and by the way, every time you act like that you’re running home. If we have to take the freeway home, once we are in an area where I can get off, you will run. You will run like the wind and think about your actions and how you are going to control your temper rather than allow your temper to control you. You will run, run, run, until you are sprinting like Jesse Owens. Elizabeth your court speed is really good now, it’s going to be incredible after you do all this running. Am I making myself clear?”
“Yes Mam.”
“Then get out of the car and start running.”
When she got into the car upon our arrival home, her blood sugar was 66. Neither one of us said a word to each other. She went to the bathroom to take a shower, changed clothes, and came into the kitchen. I said, “Give me a hug Sweetie Pie!”
She smiled and wrapped her arms around me. She asked, “Mommy am I going to have to run every time I act like that?”
“Yes! You most certainly are Sweetheart!”
“How far did I run anyway?
“Four miles; not bad given all the traffic lights and such. I have a question for you. Why do you act like that on the court? It’s like you’re a totally different person out there. You’re really are a kind person.”
“Mom they’re mean to me.”
“Elizabeth you need to realize the only one you have control over is you. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior. How a person acts is no concern of yours. Just play the ball. If the girl is mean to you, my next question is why is Elizabeth mean to Elizabeth? The only one you’re hurting is yourself. The sooner you realize that the better off you will be on and off the court. If you don’t modify this behavior, you’re going to be faster than the speed of light that’s all I have to say.”
Smiling, “Humph, I’m going to control my emotions more I’m not running home from all my tournaments. I’ll be exhausted!
“Maybe too exhausted to act like a nimkompoot out on the court.”
“Mom what’a nimkompoot?”
“Look it up in the dictionary.”
“Mom that’s not a word.”
“My mother used it. Okay I’ll define it for you. It’s someone that acts like an idiot and they don’t realize they’re acting like one. Now do you understand?”
“Yes Mam, I understand I’m going to change my behavior. I still got doubles today.”
“Yes you do. All I can say is if you don’t change your attitude there are three words you will grow accustomed to hearing me say.”
“What’s that Mommy?”
“Run baby run!”
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